Moblie Remote
by OnlineFisher
Summary: Just some insight into what Jack may get up to on his night off...
1. Default Chapter

Title: Mobile Remote

Author: Fisher

Email: onlinefishin yahoo co uk

Website: splish-splash co uk

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate or any of it's characters. Don't make any profit... blahdy blah, blah, blah...

Summary: Jack has lost his remote... will he find it before it's too late? Just some insight into what Jack may get up to on his night off...

Authors Notes: Bored one evening I just started writing... turned into a story about Jack and his remote :P what a wonderful place my mind must be to live in.

Notes: Ok who else hates the new quick edit? It get's rid of certain symbols and layouts the story poorly... I wan't it set out how I set it out before you changed it - Jeeze!

* * *

**Mobile Remote**

This was strange.

For all intense in purposes everything seemed ordinary. Nothing was amiss, Two empty beer bottles, A packet of finished crisps, and a packet of unopened barbecue beef.

The television still stuck on the discovery channel; various take-away cartons scattered about the floor and a pair of socks mixed amongst them.

The sofa well worn-in but no-one sitting in it's welcoming foam. The former occupant of the seat stood mere inches away looking at with distain. This couch had, He was convinced, swallowed his remote whole!

Whilst getting up not five minutes ago in search for something sweet... hoping to anyone who would listen that he hadn't fished off the last slice of cake. He had returned to find the remote control missing. This is why after realising he must go out the next day to restock on cake; he was stood glaring at his couch.

There was no other choice; He had to strip search the sofa! Making a quick apology, then realising it stole it from him in the first place he muttered a quick "serves you right" and started pulling the cushions unceremoniously from where they belonged.

Once all the slightly worn down cushions had been removed he had set himself to the task of searching between the creases of the couch. He didn't have much luck He had managed to find various pieces of fluff which were now setting up home in his bin and a couple of dollars which had been put aside to contribute to the cake getting tomorrow.

Rubbing his for head and realising he now had to beg forgiveness from his sofa for accusing it so quickly, he set to the task of looking for the lost and probably lonely remote, under the couch. If it hadn't swallowed it, it may have sat on it.

After accreting that it was not to be found under his now vexed couch, he was getting impatient. How was he going to watch his program when the remote was still lost?

What to do now? Retrace his steps? Good plan. When did he have it last? Ah yes! After avoiding getting up to go to the toilet about fifteen minutes prior the incident he had quickly changed channels before getting up. He must have taken it with him!

Trudging up the stairs toward his bathroom he could hear the sound of water. Either someone had sneaked into his house and was having a pee or he had forgotten to turn the taps off again.

Walking in to the small room he knew it was the latter as the water was running freely in his sink. Turning it off as the noise was irritating he glanced round the room, nothing!

Where could the remote be? Where did he go next? From there he had obviously washed his hands, clearly forgotten to turn the water off and made his way back downstairs, wiping his hands on his trousers while he went.

From there on he had made his way back to the couch and sat back down. He had then watched a couple of adverts. One of which being an ad for chocolate cake and he'd got up in search for his own.

What was he to do now? He had retraced his steps, had even made a small contribution to society by no longer wasting water. Where did that leave him now? He was without a remote, he had lost it, he was no longer in possession of it... He couldn't find it!

That was it, he didn't have any other choice, he had to pull out the big guns - figuratively speaking. He would call Daniel, he will know what to do!

Now where was his phone?

Luckily he had found that earlier while strip searching the couch. So after dialling his friend he waited and he waited and he waited some more. Not long after all this waiting he heard the usual answer phone message "Hi you have reached Dr. Daniel Jackson's apartment, I am sorry but it appears I am busy right now but please leave a message after the beep" It didn't beep, He had already hung up.

He couldn't ring Teal'c, not because he was unavailable but because he had threatened Jack that if he had rang him once more at this time of night he would come round and break not only his phone.

That left Carter. He dialled her number and waited. This time, someone answered.

"Hello?" Ok so she was groggy, must have been asleep.

"Hey Carter!"

"Colonel?"

"Ya, you up?"

"Err not really Sir"

"Oh sorry to bother you then"

"Why did you ring?"

"Nothing, it doesn't matter"

"Sir, now I'm awake, what did you want?" Sounds irritated - understandable.

"Well, I was wondering if you could help?"

"What with?"

"I've lost my remote"

"Sir... Did you check your pants?"

"No, Wait a sec... Yes! Got it!"

"Night Sir"

"Night Carter!"

Thank god, the woman was a life saver! Hanging up the phone he made his way back to his couch. Replacing its cushions in their rightful place he sighed and sat down pointing the remote to the TV.

Pressing the channel up nothing happened, that was odd. Turning the remote over he almost fainted - The batteries were missing! Where could they have gone..? Maybe it was time to ring Carter again?


	2. Here Batteries, batteries, batteries

Authors Notes: A big thank you to all the reviewers :) It made me very happy. I wasn't going to write a sequel but I just thought what the hell, why not give it ago. I don't think this is as good as the first but I tried.

Also to hpsauce87, I can tell you're not the type of person who has to keep hold of the remote :P. I guess it is slightly based on what I would do :P I'm being constantly told off for stuffing the remote in my pocket and walking out the room... You think I'm going to let anyone else have the remote... are you crazy?!

Have we got any others that must have control of the remote?

xD Anywho, Enjoy!

* * *

"Pick up, Pick up, Pick up... Sam? Damn... answer phone!"

Pressing the button that hangs up the phone he quickly hit the redial button. Hoping he would be fifth time lucky he continued to let the phone ring. Walking around his living room, avoiding all the various bits of rubbish that scattered his floor. He waited patiently, well as patiently as one Jack O'Neill could possibly wait.

Again he heard the sound of an answer phone message being played and he hung up. Redialling, swearing that this would be the second to last time he redialled he continued to listen to the tongue bitingly awful noise that was 'Ringing'. Briefly wondering if the term 'ringing' Came from wringing... in the form of wringing your own neck from listening to the horrible noise. Whilst contemplating this thought an irritated Samantha Carter answered her phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Carter!"

"I thought you found your remote?"

"Yea I did... I lost the batteries"

Click. What the...? Jack couldn't quite believe it. His second in command. His colleague, his friend had hung up on him. This couldn't be right. He had to ring her back. Redialling and making a mental note that he must find a way to change the ringing tone of his phone. Sam Carter. Former nice person answered her phone.

"Hello?!"

"Hey Carter!"

"Sir, I'm tired... It's late.."

"Early"

"Whatever, Can I please go back to bed"

"Ya sure, But can you help me first?"

"Sir..."

"I'd do it for you"

"No you wouldn't"

"Sure I would!"

"I don't even know what you expect me to do?"

"Help!"

"Night Sir!"

She cut me off! Have to redial. No tone... She unplugged her phone. Daniel had been giving her advice, he just knew it. He was going to have a 'nice' chat with him then next time he saw him.

That left him with no-one to call. He couldn't call Janet or Cassandra. Needles, Jack shivered. Calling anyone else... well he didn't know anyone else. Making a quick note to make more friends he went in search for the missing a presumed full batteries.

He found the remote in his pocket. Maybe they were in there. No such luck, He had holes in his pockets - he needed new pants.

This lead him to believe they had dropped out somewhere whilst he was walking around the house.

He could exclude his bedroom; He hadn't been in there. He could also exclude outside; it was cold out there.

First thing was first; he would check the kitchen. Making his way towards his kitchen, dodging the rubbish, cursing whilst tripping over a carton. He finally arrived at his destination and scanned the floor area. Nothing, Well not nothing. Spotting a sock he looked down towards his feet. When did he lose his sock? It wasn't important, he had been reunited with it and that's all that mattered.

Pulling his sock back onto his bare foot he made his way back into the living room, all the while keeping a eye on the floor. This is just a saying so don't get confused. He did in fact have both eyes on the floor, not one eye on the floor and the other looking at where he was going because that would be weird. It may have come in handy if it was possible for Jack to do that neat trick with his eyes but he couldn't and he Did trip over his coffee table.

Cursing once more as he picked himself up from the floor. He figured his batteries may have fallen out whilst he had gone into his bathroom, either the first or second time..

Making another trip to his bathroom, getting a good idea of what it would be like to have no control over his bladder. His hand searching for the door handle, His eyes of course still glued to the ground and he made his way inside.

He found nothing. He couldn't find them. No one would help him and his programme was probably over by now.

He sulked his way down towards his couch and sat down.

He had to admit it to himself. There was no avoiding it. He had to do what every TV viewer dreaded.

He must go to the television and change the channel manually!

Getting back up from his seat he bent down to change the channel. It didn't take him long and he muttered a quick thank you.

Settling into his couch to watch a documentary about fish. He wasn't really sure what it was about but there was some guy measuring a fish so he presumed it was something to do with fish.

Putting his feet up he looked down at his table where his remote control sat. Making it a quick promise that he would go buy it some new batteries tomorrow, he laid back to watch what was left of the documentary.

* * *

Glad that's over and done with.

It's 02.33 and I'm listening to 'Merry Christmas everyone' in October!

Please remember to feed the author... She's very hungry!

.... Nothing new added... I just proof read it :P thanks Lilad!

Probably still some mistakes but what the hell.

Also I have just come up with an idea for the next chapter!

But now I must go to work!


	3. Retraint

After reading though this I couldn't decide if Americans use the word trolley, If you don't and you don't know what it is it's a shopping cart. Hopefully you do use that word, I can't be bothered to change it :P Actually thinking about it, I have herd someone on will & grace sing the trolley song.

* * *

Glancing once again at the small crumpled up piece of paper he held in his hand he told himself once more that he was not easily swayed by all the various items that were pressuring him to buy them

Jack had great self restraint you see, when he went into a store he came out with exactly what he went in for.

Looking once again at his bit of paper, he read the scribbled words of:

Cake

Pants

Batteries.

This was the first time all day that he'd had chance to get anywhere near a shop. Not that he was particularly eager to get to one in the first place but when needs must...

The reason why he had not managed to go shopping, there was that word, 'Shopping' He had to pause and sigh - he hated shopping. There was a good reason why he hadn't managed to get to a store until now and it wasn't because of is aversion to shops. The reason was Hammond, Yes the one and only General George Hammond.

Yesterday while at the base, Hammond had asked, no correction, demanded that Jack turn up at 07.00 to train some of the new recruits. It was safe to presume that Jack wasn't thrilled to hear this bit of information but being the professional colonel that he is, he only complained once.

Some may have said he only complained the once due to the General kicking him out of his office but Jack begged to differ, He was sure that he wouldn't have put up a fight even if he was allowed to do so.

Now the time was 17.32, he knew this because he looked at his watch, the usual thing people do when they need to know the time. Given that Jack had arrived at the store at around fiveish and still couldn't find either the batteries or cake he was starting to get frustrated. He had managed in around thirty minutes to find a pair of trousers he liked and knock over various stacks of items with his wayward trolley.

He didn't know if it was just him but he always seemed to pick the trolley that hated him. This one, besides from knocking into as many things as possible also had a nasty squeak, maybe it just had a nasty streak within it's metal wires. Either way it did not do much good for Jack's mood.

He had continued to wander as his phone started to ring. Pulling it from his pocket as he walked, he answered "O'Neill"

"Hey Jack"

"Daniel, What a nice surprise"

"Where did you put the file?"

"Oh I am well, how are you?"

"Jack, I'm in a hurry!"

"And here I thought you just wanted to talk to me"

"I saw you today, we spoke remember?"

"We did?"

"Jack please can you just tell me where you put the file!"

"And which file would this be?"

"The one about PX93 2X4"

"You need to be more specific"

"We met the mandorians"

"Menda who?"

He heard a sigh from the other end of the phone "The mandarins"

"Oh the orange people?"

"Yes"

"That's in my top draw in my office"

"Thanks, where are you by the way?"

"Oh, I had to go to the store before I went home"

"Ah I wondered what all that noise was"

"Yes, it's all the noisy people"

"So what have you bought that you don't want then?"

"Daniel, unlike you I can go into a store and come out with exactly when I went in for"

He laughed "Ok, Well thanks anyway Jack, see you tomorrow"

"Yea ditto"

By now he had found everything he was looking for. He found things much easier when he wasn't paying attention, it was strange.

Pulling up to the checkout counter, being thankful that there wasn't much of a queue he started to wait for the person in front of him to finish putting there things onto the convey-a-belt so he could start putting his items on.

It wasn't long before he was pulling his cake and his pants from his trolley and placing them on the belt. As soon as more space was available he started to pull out the rest of his things. Placing on his six pack, four bags of crisps and deluxe pack of sell-o-tape he continued to wait.

Watching as checkout girl continued to quickly scan all the items, obviously wanting to go home.

Once all the woman's items had been successfully scanned with out mishap he continued to place his bread, milk and pack of ten light bulbs onto the convey-a-belt.

After cringing as the checkout woman threw his things through the checkout he quickly paid, bagged up his things and left. Leaving his evil trolley behind, thanking it for this 'lovely' evening together.

Getting into his car he made his way home. After walking through is front door he gave a sigh of relief. He was glad to finally be home. Now he could unpack and go watch some television.

Putting all his groceries in there rightful place and storing away his light bulbs. He pulled on his new pair of pants and cut him self a large portion of cake. Opening his pack of sell-o-tape and taking one with him to play with later he went to sit down on his couch.

Picking up his remote he pointed it towards the television set, pressing on. Ah yes he forget to put in the batteries. He placed his cake on the coffee table, there was no use taking that with him. He also might as well put down the sell-o-tape while he was at it.

Walking back into his kitchen and grabbing his empty carrier bags he stared on with horror. "I forgot the batteries!"

* * *

Hope you all liked this, I did :D

I think this should be the last to this Fic but that doesn't mean there wont be more Fic's by me :) I still have to finish my 'Ton Nosen ego' Fic and I also want to write a story about my arch nemesis - Glitter! I really hate that stuff...

If anyone would like to write me a Fic about the horribleness that is glitter I would be very happy. Make it my early Christmas prezzie :D

Please review my lovely readers, I love you all Flashes those pearly whites


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